Hope it's been good.
Following up on what I wanted to share, I think I stopped at... being frustrated and lost at Deloitte, despising not knowing what I wanted to do for my future.
On a side note, one thing that's been helpful was that when you're stuck and you're repeating same patterns over and over again yielding same results, sometimes drastic changes in your lifestyle Or your worldview is necessary. I did and it was worth it. especially when it comes to your faith.
For one, during my junior/senior year when I was close to walking out on Christianity, I had a chance to go to Africa. that summer, I probably spent over two hours a night reading/watching debates/researching/testing assumptions, to see if God was real. I didn't want to spend every sunday going to church for some lie bc I'm pretty arrogant and I value my time a lot. So I went to Africa with some Princeton kids and that's where I met Sang. Sangwoo's little bro. But I wanted to experience God's power, so I went without taking any shots. (Later I found out that my bunk bed mate got Malaria and I was completely fine even when I had over 50 mosquito bites. Sang helped me count the bites lolz. And I'm pretty positive we shared the same mosquitos) Basically I just really wanted to know, and I was very convinced by the people that I met that He was real. But what really convinced me was something that I felt spiritually. There was this presence that I could not shake off just as chemical imbalance in my head. And there were healings that were taking place, which I think is really difficult to refute because endless sick and disabled people kept on coming over and over again.
So I come back thinking God exists, but your search for God never ends. Back to my story, there I was again, despite being convinced that God was real (spiritually/physically) from the trip, despite having a logical basis for my faith after taking discipleship, I was frustrated because I hated work, had no direction in life, and wanted to do something for the Kingdom, kind of similar to your situation right now. So here's where it gets interesting. I quit work, everything that I worked so hard for in undergrad and decided to go to YWAM (Youth With a Mission) discipleship training. So I spent 3 months in New Zealand and 2 months in Nepal for missions. This was a game changer. Thus far, I thought that believing in Jesus was enough. But experiencing the personal relationship with God is another. Heck, even Satan believes that God exists.
During the lecture phase, I learned about my identity as a son, and where I stood before God, and Him as a Father, Lord, and friend. Then restoration and transformation began to take place. It was not much of my doing, but I must admit that I made myself available. In that I took an action to come before Him and He met me there. My faith was action based, because I sought him. And He totally and completely changed my life. Not that we can earn grace, but grace manifests to those that actively receives it. It's NEVER passive!
There, I experienced chains being broken. My sins that I've been battling with, porn/masturbation, and I was completely freed from it. Skepticism became healthy questioning only to strengthen my faith, and peace that surpasses understanding was instilled within me.
Yes, I mess up a lot of times, but I come back stronger. Because I understand grace better now and I'm incapable of being miserable like I was two years ago at Deloitte.
Please don't feel like I'm patting myself on the back for this exciting narrative that I'm painting. All it is that the shitty kid that I am, made decisions to seek after God. And He did the rest. I just put my hand out and he gave freely.
What I mean by taking action/actively receiving could be interpreted in ways that the Bible describes:
James 4:8 "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you"
Jeremiah 29:12-1412 Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. 13 And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you, says the Lord
MAtthew 7:7 7Ask and it will be given to you; seek andyou will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened
Luke 11:9 So I tell you:Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.
The overarching theme in the scriptures is you seek God, then God moves. It's seemingly conditional, not I beg to differ. The truth of the matter is, Christianity can be boiled down to a love relationship between God and us. By definition, relationship cannot be a one way pursuit. This is something that PP said at the retreat. After all, it was God who first loved us 1 John 4:19.
Steve, Faith isn't something that's natural, it's actually something that's active. It must be practiced. It's something that we achieve by the power of the Holy Spirit. It's never passive. So when you passively wait until logic is satisfied, then your faith will never be activated. And Christianity can't be materially proven, so if you have just enough logical basis to back your beliefs, I say jump. That's where God meets you and strengthens your faith more and more. It's sort of counter intuitive. We think in order for our faith not to be fake, we wait until we are comfortable making a leap. But often times, it's when we take leaps of faith that God works. Then our faith becomes real. That's part of his job description :)
So I encourage you bro, whatever that something drastic or actively seeking God looks like for you. Whether if it's going to Tuesday Night Prayer, praying at home consistently and desperately, researching the logical basis for your faith, going on Missions, quitting your job to pursue God, or taking discipleship class, Whatever that is... you must draw near to Him. You must knock, you must seek, and you must Ask!
